Tuesday, 22 December 2015

Four seasons : Winter

Winter.

The sun drops early like 4pm. 
Those sad music beats like EDM.
Lonely heart, 
Lonely days,
Lonely trees & snowflakes.

Don't you feel like trees piled up with snow is really pretty, yet sad and lonely at the same time? 

Tree branches gets so fragile, they break with your lightest touch. Enduring each wind that passes by hoping to not snap.

Ponds and lakes freeze. They don't have a choice but to stay stagnant for some period of time. Well, on the bright side, it brings people joy. 

The cold will always remind you of someone, someone who used to always warm you up unconditionally. 

The snowflake will always remind you that no matter how pretty you are, how much you can make someone happy just by sight, you will disappear when the weather warms up.

The people who wears a lot of clothes to prevent the cold will always remind you that no matter what, YOU are the person that can keep yourself warm even without others. 

The early sunset will always remind you that resting is a part of life. You rest and take drawbacks in order to work harder in the future. 

The stars that ignite the sky will always remind you that even at the worst nights, there will be a way out and it is waiting for you to grasp it. 

Winter is probably my favourite season since I cannot handle hot weather as well as i would want to. 

I am currently in Japan, chilly weather, big sun and amazing aura. People keep mistaking me as a Japanese though. I can only speak very little Japanese and it is not even close to being able converse with someone.

Just one thing though, their uniform here is just really cute and the people here dress really good. Ought to learn some and go back to my country to spread some Japanese fashion trend. All the cutesy yet sexy style is my favourites!

Do you guys want to see a vlog? Or blogs about my Japan trip? Tell me so I can prepare myself. I took quite a number of pretty photos, really would like to share with you guys. 



Until then, Goodluck. 

Sunday, 13 December 2015

Truth is

Hello, can I say something?
You say you know me that well?
It’s so strange, when you’re in front of me
You can’t say anything but you talk a lot behind my back.
I’d be crazy to do those things
Am I really that mean?
The cowards talk a lot under the tree but they can’t climb,
You can talk all you want.
Make it loud, make them more.
I want to know all the truth, all the truth. 
The important thing is you talk about ME.
 It’s nice, very nice.
The more rumors there are, the better it is.
I just laugh, that’s how easy it is. 
I have about ten tails, you don’t even know.
I think you have a misunderstanding..
The way I smile, the way I talk, the way I walk is a bit…
Don’t be like that and just say it,
I expected this.
We only know each other’s names
But I guess you’d go crazy even if we just brushed our fingertips, I know I am such a big deal. 
I’d be crazy to do those kinds of things.
With someone I only know by name.
Don’t say that just because you can't have me.
You can talk all you want, still.
Rumors that spread without a sound,
What you want is a truth or dare.
Actually, everything is depends on you,
on what kind of person I become
What’s important is not me but you,
You tell me first.
The important thing is now, right now,
How does it feel to see me before your eyes, better than you?
I just laugh, that is how easy I do my thing. 
It’s just you, the little, foolish you.
Believe me? Only believe in what I say,
What you believe, what you want, what deceives you is so…

Goodluck.

Tuesday, 8 December 2015

Everyone needs to read this.

I am honestly very furious and disgusted. 

I finally understand what feeling is that to be judged for life for a single mistake.
 
It doesn't mean, I keep quiet means I am doing nothing and acting like nothing has ever happened, so stop thinking that bullying people, smearing people's reputation on the net is nothing wrong. 

It was never meant to be public thing, i learnt from my mistake and I am currently living in a state where I already have multiple source of pressure. 

But honestly who the fuck are YOU, to fucking bully someone who genuinely wants to change?

Who are you to judge other's mistake? 

Who are you to re-write other's life stories? 

i don't get it, I am very enraged. I have been swallowing all my pride, refusing to bring any matter how up anymore but what do I get? 

Disrespect comments. (I know i am the one that made this available but lol fuck you still. )

It is tough to face it alone. 

A lot of times I feel so lonely when everyone just turn their back on me. 

Just know you little peanut haters, you have officially made me feel like I'm a loser. But not anymore. 

Im much more greater than you think. I control my life from now on, if you think you have anything better to confront me about, I'll gladly hold your hands to go see the cops. 

I'm not even joking.


'Oh Celine you are over reacting...' 

Try living like it's nothing. 

Try acting it is nothing and be super strong in front of hundreds of people that knows your business.

Try getting anonymous hates and disgusting requests everyday.

Try living in this situation, every single fucking day. Before you comment. 

Try being strong when people ask you something about it very insensitively. 

Try holding your tears in public after getting traumatized by a group of unknown people. 

Try. 

If you think everything is so easy and fine. Sure that is your business.

The thing is why can't everyone just mind their own business. Your life doesn't rotate around mine neither does my life radiates around you. 

I really can't help it but get angry. Not only for myself but for every single one of them getting bullied online. 

Cyberbullying is not okay. IT IS NOT OKAY. 

You think it's okay just because you have never experienced the pain and sufferings. 

I stand for myself. So why should I continue to keep quiet about things? 

I am so disgusted. 

Just stop. Just saying, cyberbullying is illegal in Singapore.  

You can play all kinds of tricks but your actions shall be paid for, in days, months or years. Just wait.

For those people who has been secretly helping me, Just know i am very grateful and appreciate everything you do. 

Sunday, 6 December 2015

WGS Prom Night 2015

I believe many have been waiting for me to type this blog.

I have been contemplating to doing this but I decided to give all my honest opinions as usual.
First things first, if you are easily butt hurt, please just not read this. All of this are based on my own opinion with no intention of hurting anyone.

Let’s just start shall we?



I really hated everything. It may be due to the fact that I grew to be more anti-social after graduation but honestly, it wasn’t a nice experience. I think social media, and prom from the western countries corrupted my vision of a “perfect prom”.

Let me say this, it wasn’t because I didn’t have a prom date, or because I was just being really picky over the location and hotel. Not even. I am not even exaggerating when I say, it sucked balls.

The moment I stepped into the ballroom, or just room for the prom, I got way more attention with my hair than I thought I would. I had grey hair at that time, it was really awesome I admit. Had my hair chopped off real short and a literal style change, evolved Celine, I’d like to name it as. Honestly, I felt quite good with what I was wearing and stuff. Some people didn’t recognize me at first look, I took that as a compliment lightly.



Dress: New Look
Shoes: Charles & Keith
Necklace: SK
Earring: Bangkok

The second problem that occurred was, I was late (this was my fault) and I couldn’t sit with my friends and I had to sit with a bunch of people that I have almost zero knowledge about despite being in the same cohort for four years. I felt like physically giving myself a tight slap for being an awkward chicken nugget over there. Drinking my water, and pretending I am so cool about it. No. ok. Things got better after a kind teacher decided to help us shift our seats.

The food was literally bullshit. I can cook better than that with less than $80. I mean, hotel food are always like this. Hey, I work in a hotel, I serve and I had my fair share of food every single week from hotels but it wasn’t as shitty as that I swear.

I truly enjoyed the part where I get to dress up and put makeup on my face. It has been my passion since very very long ago. The rest of the day was terrible though.




Here is a little message for all my fellow WGS people:

I really hated most of my times in school and honestly regretting meeting some people in the school. But if time were to reverse again, I wouldn’t choose to change anything because it brought me to where I am today, not anything good but proud to be me. I used to live in other people’s shadow because I didn’t have much. I was labelled as arrogant and being shame by many of you there. I get it, I know it, I said nothing about it. I secretly enjoyed the feeling of you, talking behind my back because it kind of shows I am a topic to talk about, so I am not actually that furious about that, other than spreading false rumors. There are some people whom I had many ups and downs with, there are some people that is causing all those ups and downs. I’d just like to say, I am pretty glad I wouldn’t have to go back to that same pit black hole to see you again LOL.




Bye.

Tuesday, 17 November 2015

emotional thoughts & flashbacks on the MRT

Hi everyone, so I am currently on the train. 

This post is not discriminating anyone, or pointing fingers at anyone, or even letting anyone's mindset or anything, Im not even sure what I am typing anymore but yeah. This post is genuinely my opinion and some thoughts I have.

So, there is a guy who has born deformities in the train together in the same cabin as me. He is making all sorts of noises while holding on to a map. 

When he first came into the cabin, people shifted away with disgust and judgmental eyes. I didn't. I stood root to where I was, not because I was an extremely kind and non-judgmental person, but because I was under a state of shock. 

I was shocked to see this happening. Never thought it would occur. 

I can't help but feel sympathetic over this situation.

Story time: when i was much younger. My parents brought me to Bangkok, and it's state itself has many people who can't survive and eventually resorted to begging as a way of life. As a young kid as I am, I couldn't understand the situation. But when I saw an old man on the ground, with no legs, begging for money, I cried uncontrollably for no reason. Probably knowing the fact that I am very blessed to have been born as a normal person, I shed tears. This is a true story. I even remember my parents brought me to the exact same person and gave all my coins to him. Which made it super unforgettable. I guess it's a child-innocence. 

So, back to the train. I got a shock over the situation and stunned there for a few seconds. Got over it within 15 seconds. That is when i studied the people around me, their faces, their reaction over this. 

There were people that shifted themselves to another cabin, there were people staring at him as if he was some sea aquarium exhibit, there were people that couldn't even be bothered. To my surprise, most of the people, reacted the same way as I did, which is to just accept the situation and just continue to do whatever they are doing. 

No more judgmental eyes, no more despising eyes. 

I have always been pretty grateful to be born with two eyes, a nose, a mouth, two ears, a pretty normal looking face and body. This just strengthen my thoughts and morals as to being a person, a good person. 

I strongly look up to them, who stayed so strong and continue to live their lives to the fullest, some even more than normal people like us. If I were to end up in the same state as them, I'd probably be very lost and upset all day. 

It is something we should all learn. We all have alot, alot more to appreciate and cherish. 

I'm sorry if you found this offensive in any way.

Once again, thanks for reading this small space I share my little thoughts with. ❤️

Thursday, 5 November 2015

thoughts about having small boobs

This post is more for the females, and if you are a male, please kindly click out of this post. Or rather, maybe you should read this and stop discriminating the girls.

So, I am going to touch on something that is pretty sensitive, so I hope you guys can put on your mature cap and read this openly.

All these are solely on my opinion, so do not get too offended in any sense. If I ever mention something that has happened to you, it is just a pure coincidence.

Boobs, small boobs. Flat-Chested. Airport. Mosquito bites. Whatever you want to call it. You see breast everywhere, and hence it is not something uncommon.

Breast has caused much stirs not only online, but also in the real world. People get insecure, people get sensitive and some just lose confidence over it.

Females that has small breast tend to think that they are less feminine, less attractive, less sexy. Which leads to what I just typed, insecureness. It is hard to deny that breast have became something people would notice and used as something that can be flaunt to others.

This society taught us to always be perfect. In terms of height, face, size, body shape, weight. 36 24 36 body proportion is standard and if you do not have it, you’re a loser. I personally have small chest and honestly, I feel alright about it. I know, I am only 16, yah dah yah dah, you don’t know the outside world’s judgement. Technically you are wrong because people in school are the most judgmental ones.

Guys be laughing at us, saying how “flat” we are. As much as most of us just take it lightly, we get hurt unknowingly knowing our flaws are being pointed out to the crowd.
I know girls my age be wearing double push up bras, Victoria secret bombshell bras just to let others think that they have fuller chest.

I am not stopping you from wearing those amazing inventions but hell girl, your mentality is wrong.

DO IT FOR YOURSELF, not others. If you choose to cosmic yourself just for others, it is not worth it.

If you need those as a boost of your own confidence, sure go ahead. Never do it to impress someone. Trust me, who are you trying to impress really, you should really just be impressing yourself.

You might hate your small breast, but you have to remember not all guys like big boobs. Ought to learnt how embrace it and make it a work of your symphony.

Just think about the positive things about having smaller chest.

You get to get cuter clothes, you get to wear more revealing clothes without looking too overwhelming, you get to buy cuter bras that doesn’t offer bigger sizes. You can even choose to go braless without anyone knowing.

To me, a handful is enough.

Well, have some rational thoughts about it.

Embrace every part of you.

No one is perfect so is okay to be imperfect somewhere.

As long as you take caution and love every part of yourself, your self-confidence will easily shoot sky high. Honestly I think the main reason why this escalates is because some guys create a false image of a perfect girl and now, girls have the mentality that having a fuller chest means beauty.

You girl, someone is gonna appreciate you for who you are and not for your chest size.
And if the guy is the reason why you are being so insecure, then, dump him. It is not worth it.

Love yourself from now onwards.

Why would you even care about other people’s opinion?

Why would you even not speak up?

Why would you dilute the other things that you might be good at?

Why would you want to change yourself for others that don’t even mind?

Be it anything.

You, just be you.


Good Luck.

Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Just one day.


If only I had just one day

I want to peacefully fall asleep intoxicated with your sweet scent
If there’s a chance in my busy schedule
I want to put my body in your warm and deep eyes
Wherever we go, my handbag is your waist
Yo ma honey, whenever I see you, I run out of breath
Your voice when you say my name
I wanna be locked in you and swim in you, I want to know you more
An explorer venturing through your deep forest of mystery
I appreciate the masterpiece that is you because your existence alone is art
I imagine this all night every day because it’s a meaningless dream anyway

I’m sorry, maybe I’m too rational

But still, if you see me some day, smile
Maybe you resent me a little or no, a lot

I know, I couldn’t look at you more because of my dream
Then just give me one day, even if it’s in my dream, just one day
Out of all those words I had to swallow because of the excuse of reality
I’ll pick one and tell it to you for sure
Let’s meet when the lilies bloom and say goodbye when they wither
I didn’t think I’d get over you easily but
Is it selfish of me to hope you are the same?
I’m still lying, saying that it’s all for you
You are standing in the center of my life.

<3


Sunday, 20 September 2015

#truths about schooling

School is important. Why? Knowledge placed aside, do you actually realize what you are gaining from school?

ALL THIS ARE BASED ON MY OPINION AND IF YOU FEEL THAT IT IS A PAIN IN THE ASS TO READ ALL THIS OR IF YOU DISAGREE IT IS NOT MY ISSUE. Save those anger for youself bye.

It is the qualities as a human. Like some:

1.      Sense of belonging.
2.      Socializing.
3.      Important teaching of life aka experiences.
4.      Self-discipline.

It keeps you sane as a human. Tell me, what are you going to do without the happenings in school?
(Well, if you are anything like me. I would probably watch anime and game for my whole fucking entire existence in life. Binge eat on chips, fries, soda and ice cream, chocolate flavored of course.) BUT NO really.

Let’s start from the very core, the truth of school. It is still building, made to force teenagers like me to attend and hopefully be some good use to the government and contribute to this shitty society. We are forced to wake up at a painful 5AM-7AM (depends on the distance) every single fucking weekday morning, grab a glass of air for breakfast and leave house. Studying in a classroom filled with morons and having to deal them for the next __ years. (Thank goodness I am already at my last lap of this hell) well, after one hell, you just switch to another fancier hell. You need to deal with deadlines and homework (sometimes completely unnecessary). Hello, I am not demotivating you just touch your heart, you know it is true.

Other than all those crappy negative sides of school, this place is going to be an educational place for all, if you learn to take advantage of it. Some lucky ass people get to keep friendships that last forever.

Now, I am going to tell you what you are actually going through.

*

Sense of belonging.

What do you mean celine? Like how you feel towards home? Country? Stop mocking me, of course I know about this.

Oh no, you DON’T human.

You feel this unknowingly, it comes in way too many forms to be able to identify it right away. You might hate school, you might really despise some people in your class, you might always be left out. But let me tell you this, you will always have this weird sense of belonging.

Recently I talked to someone whom everyone hates, and he told me “It’s weird how I still feel like I belong. I mean like you know you can’t please everyone, there are people like you(me) who are willing to try and understand the differences. People know me by all the bad things, it kind of shows I existed, you get what I mean?” You get what I mean guys? It can be negative but you can still feel like you existed and belonged. I know it is very hard, I’ve been a loner myself.

The people you hang out with, the community you are with, your class, your seat. You get it?
Think back now, think hard. It is really noting the small things in life to create rainbows. School sucks I know.

Socializing

Surprisingly, I have that in my blood so it is not that difficult for me. (Ultimate flip hair)

Because you are placed in such a way where it is possible to meet new people. The guy that seats next to you? Behind you? In front of you? Camp? School events? Competitions? They enable the possibilities of meeting new people, or to get to know a person better.


My amazing clique now, SORA (hi cal and hy if you are reading, noobs). We three actually met each other during Freshman Orientation Camp, I knew them each at different timings. Although we only got much closer after a whole bunch of crap, it shows something, you actually get to know people in school and maybe get to know the people of your friends. HA, again, another new big circle to explore.


Remember the time you were forced to do some stupid story telling/speech in front of the whole class? Good if you did, if you didn’t you missed out a whole chunk. Guts. It is different to be able to speak alone for so many people, again I myself do not have this problem because, I am hella thick skin for my own good sometimes. Public speaking is pretty important in certain job scopes and the school actually gave you some “private tuition” before you go face your future boss.

Be thankful. Morons.


Experiences

I know there are days where you really do not wish to go to this certain school event because it is

USELESS
WASTE OF TIME
FORCED TO DO
WHY MUST GO

Erm, yeah, it is pretty useless but at least you get to have a snip of that in your afterlife that you have attended that boring talk. Who knows you might need that “talk” for you to be able to sign on to be a manager of some big business.

Say yes to experiences and memories.


They say you will miss school. HELL YEAH, I would miss a place where mistakes can always be corrected and reprimanded and end.

Just, shhh, let me tell you, the outside world isn’t butterflies and unicorn. Mistakes can lead to bad consequences which you won’t ever want to experience, just #word.

For example, sports day. I really suck at all types of sports so I always find excuses to not attend since I am just going to be sitting under the hot sun getting burnt. Last year, I spontaneously decided to go since I woke up really early. I saw the most idiotic things happening there and it was actually quite enjoyable and not as bad as I thought. >:D

Join a club, Join a CCA. It is another way you get to know seniors from your own school and also a way to meet hot guys (just saying girls, just saying). You will learn something out of it definitely, Cel don’t lie.

Experience with people as well. Someone is going to lie to you, someone is going to cheat on you, and someone is going to backstab you, lose friendships, creating disputes. That happens to everyone, it teaches to you stay away from unnecessary bullshits. You will get more used to it someday, trust me, this is really important in life. We face a lot of problems but it is you who decide to continue to be a moron. Idiocy is really by choice.

Learn humans, learn.


Self-discipline


I really got this trait from school, punctuality. I have huge refusal of me being late. I plan ahead to make sure I am not late for something. Therefore it has been something I try to hold up, and stand firm.


Guys, just one thing I gotta say, be punctual really, it is a turn on for many people because nowadays there is rarely someone on time for something, which pisses me off really badly and ok that is not the point.

Deadlines. It makes you plan your time really wisely and allow you to suck up and mug for something next time. For huge projects in university and stuff. Dude, deadlines are fucking cruel, it is literally a date that determines your future life. Taking time closely is quite important. (call me a time-freak as much as you want).

You will plan for your exams and learn prioritizing, is eating the chocolate cake more important than reading your textbook? Of course, eat while you read….  :D

Time guys, eat the clock or something.

*

So, I hope you will feel better going to school from now on. At least you are learning how to be more humane in one sense.

Love you little humans who always read till the end.

taken today <3 trying to be cute but failing completely 



<3